"GAMBLING...GAMBLING...GAMBLING...WE ARE TIRED!"- KENYAN WOMEN.

Should you be dating a gambler,i have  remedy for you. Date a tree instead. Why? He will hardly think of you. Well,football has sparked  the ignition in which many ‘lame’ ambitious young men are staking their cash ,in the name of betting,desperately driven by their inflated love for easy money. A get-rich-quick scheme ,if i can say so.Am so amused and bewildered in equal measure of how this cult baptised betting has gained popularity even going as far as staking their school fees or worse rent.

This is free advice girls,take it or leave it!Your guy is what we call the 21st century addict.The much he do is  sit in front of a desktop analysing football matches. When confronted on the same....you'll get the same answer, "Ni form ya hustle bana!". Girl,you already  know this and sitting around claiming to have a future with him? In the words of one  Njoki Chege, "...these young men are a bunch of losers-who would stake anything with a view of earning more.In fact,these guys are a whole lot of mundane boring chaps who would salvage their peanut salaries, if any, for gambling and share the same roof with their mothers even when their age dictates otherwise...".

Girl,don’t you see this man would even sell your wedding gown on the eve of your beautiful day,just to get some cash for betting purposes?Or even staking your child’s school fees ? And besides ,if gambling and betting were lucrative ventures,economic giants such Chris Kirubi would have set their foot right on it. Now its a shame that only paupers(your boyfriend included)- hailing their lungs out as rich ,are spending even their parents cash on this cult.
Furthermore,the owners of the betting sites such as sportpesa  and elitebet are a whole lot of  stinking rich men,who quit their previous jobs to start up what your totally misled and misinformed boyfriend sees as an opportunity  for income generation.

By all means , your boyfriend is oblivious of the ‘sadaka’ he contributes to pay the brainchild of the whole idea of betting, while the incumbent is easily servicing his loans and purchasing every other new model of the BMW with your boyfriend’s lost bet.
Needless to say, your boyfriend  is a lazy old-fashioned lad who wants everything on a silver plate,without even lifting a finger to make it happen. Aren’t real men busy investing in real estates,securities and the likes?Your boyfriend is just too lazy to even think of how to feed himself.Such are the men who flood your phone with messages of nisambaze kambao hun or nitumie 110 nitakurefund kesho.

Girl,if you ‘fell’ in love, its high time you rose up and wipe off the dust – and if falling is your hobby, I’d suggest you fall asleep and have good dreams while trying to hack the much coveted "jackpot!"..

Why I Wont Date Campus Divas Anytime Soon

”If only money grew on trees,then women would be dating monkeys”. The Whatsapp status from an old friend  greatly caught up my attention .I guess that already rings  a bell .My first reason.Campus divas are a  whole different lot of ‘empowered’ women.From what that surfaces from most of their conversations,a good number of them claim to  be ‘miss independent’(they pay their bills). And one greatly wonders what kind of independence yet even the messed-up meals from the school mess are sponsored courtesy of an ambitious young man.

Truth be told,these young ladies will hardly date a cent-less man.I have thus  abhorred spending my hard-earned thousands  from my writing career on these ‘miss independent’. Wouldn’t i be a moron trying to quench their insatiable thirst for Guarana ?Or even their inflated appetite for cheap pizzas on Tuesdays?

Well,fashion has never been so cheap as it is.The conservative village girl who happens to pursue higher education is immensely corrupted by the wavering fashion trends especially cheap lipsticks and micro mini skirts .Without  prior knowledge they grace their dark lips with red  lip gloss-which from a fashion consultant,that’s a mismatch. And besides,aren’t their lips as those of Angelina Jolie?That’s incomparable contrast.Did i mention their skirts?……

Whoa!!! their skirts ………they are ‘little  but noisy” and they gladly expose even the  ominous parts.Their wrinkled buttocks(mishap after butt enhancement) and their spotted mosquito legs irk me the most.To therefore maintain and retain my also hard- earned reputation,i shelve any erection that may come up at the  sight of these grotesque legs.

Their childish behavior too,disgust the giant in me.Perhaps my expectations are too high .But!How on earth do you follow your alleys to the washrooms just to escort them?Or even make several phone calls to your girlfriends and see whether they are attending classes before  you can set your feet in  school?I just realized the paradox of empowerment that everyone is  talking about.Should we make  commentaries regarding empowerment of the girl child,then let it be mental-related.

In fear of a ‘handicapped’ progeny,i vowed  not to date these ‘big babies’- who think lollipop is the antidote to their  mouth diarrhoea venom that they spit as a result of uncharted intolerable communication skills.Their language is perverted and vulgar.

For anyone who cares to listen,campus love is for the birds-the ravens,that skew proper interests,intentions and attention. Nowander i wouldn’t masquerade as a lover to a campus diva.

Now you know i have  a reputation and a future to protect,which am not willing to jeopardize in the name of plastic love.

Short Men Are More Romantic ; From The Horse’s Mouth

If you are dating or thinking of delving into it for your own conjugal reasons, it’s high time you reconsidered height as a parameter of evaluation,especially for ladies,who are so much blinded by the ”tall,dark and handsome ” guy. Prudently,I had to find out how and why ladies are now chasing the short men.And for this, I couldn’t deny myself the expedition of thought as i interviewed three ladies ,who undeniably are dating short, romantic men.

1. Njoki Chege

She is the outspoken modern lady, who is envied by many for her elephant ego syndrome and the empowered woman inher.She arrived late though for the interview. She giggled at my sight, and it was evident our eyes were in goodcommotion.Call us the wannabes. She almost burst into laughter when i confronted her with the question of men and their heights. ”Mwanaume ni bidii,height wachia sky crappers” she uttered,”Tall men are too lazy to even move their not-so fleshy  sunken bodies around.Why should I date such a man ?” .The sneer look on her face tells it all .”I always admire and cherish short men for they are very hardworking ,and more so very romantic…………..mwaaaaaah..they are good ‘performers’ by the way”.she adds as her naughty wink greets my eyes again.My  transformer (named after the Nyeri incidence)  sparked with overflow of charge and I had to call the wazima moto…..Hehe,that’s for another day.

2.Sharon

At just 22,she vows never to date tall guys and I quickly intervene to ask her why.This is what she had to say,” I love hugging gentlemen , not trees. Am irked the more when tall indiscipline men come around asking if I can hug them and all they do is subject me to in-explainable physical torture as am on my toes for a long duration. In fact, they are very rough at how they do it and their shenanigan tendency to wanna feel juicy boobs piss me off even the more. Unlike tall guys,short ones will always handle you with some decorum and they are warm too”.

3. Cate

The third year student at the Kenyatta University prompted me to keep some distance as I crisscrossed my legs during the interview when she appreciated her roots to beNyeri. I couldn’t put up  with her irresistible touches around my thighs and I had to proceed with the interview maintaining high standards of professionalism. She argued that tall men are extremely violent especially in love affairs and she hesitantly blattered the she could single-

handedly bring  them down only if she had a knife.”Nitang’oa transformer tu. After all, their tiny transformers can hardly satisfy a modern lady of my caliber”. I almost asked her what her ‘caliber’ was,but i just remembered……she’s from Nyeri. perhaps she spared my transformer because am not tall.

And by the way, am an affiliate human activist spearheading for the rights of men.So for any Nyeri woman chasing me around along TRM, be warned.Am that cautious guy who’s always on his toes even when you suck my ‘D’.  

Frankly Speaking.: WE WANT TO BE PREGNANT OR ELSE.....!

Frankly Speaking.: WE WANT TO BE PREGNANT OR ELSE.....!: In Kiambu sexually starved women have sensationally threatened to relocate to more ‘productive’ regions if their men continue to perform...

YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT KENYAN ACTORS WILL DO TO BE CASTED!!

Resilience is the word that comes to mind when art is mentioned. 'Don't throw in the towel!' they say but that's easier said than done. Being part of a fully functioning cast takes a lot  more than just talent, its a whole new world of art out there. the industry is no place for the faint hearted, its a man eat man circus full of ''sharks'' who would rather swallow up the new talent than see them replace them at the helm of industry. An article on the Nairobian dated 20th April, 2014 clearly spells it all out. Mulwa Mutinda a stage manager at Phoenix players explains how casting calls and auditions for both screen and stage theater has evolved from searching for  untapped raw talent to "who's the fairest of them all." Call me old school, but beauty over brains in art is only applicable in commercials, or so i thought but boy was I wrong! Now, am not in habit of whining about the many injustices done to artists but this has gone on long enough and its about someone said something. the fact that the industry only favors those with the looks, the class and taste for high end designer stuff is enough proof that no matter what stunt the art industry pulls, we will be still ill still be weighed down by idealistic views of those in reign. but then again , to be in ART it takes HEART!

        Take a sneak peak into the film industry for starters: directors are more and more leaning towards incorporating big names in their productions, why? marketing purposes. Now that may work in already established platforms such as Hollywood and Nollywood but for a growing industry like what we have, focus should be given more to the quality of production(s) rather than sales. I for one am a movie freak but truth be told some Kenyan productions just leave me face down holding my forehead thinking ''what in the hell we're they thinking???!!". It's no wonder many celebrities and big names in the music industry are shifting their attention to this goldmine called the "film industry" and when asked why..."i have always had a talent in acting ever since i was young...!!" that's bull and we all know it but still you buy their bunch of lies. Well am not taking this lying down,no!! not in a million years. Let the actors do the acting, you should do you and that's keep building our music industry and to the directors, NOT ALL CELEBRITIES ARE ACTORS!! And you wonder actors who have the passion and talent complain about screen acting is not being profitable!! Personally I have nothing against celebrities but those who try so hard to pull a Jammie Foxx in Kenya those i will have words with..what do you think an upcoming aspiring actor will do when u grab all the spots for every other production. it is with their endowed talents that the bills get paid while you treat it as some kind of side hustle. Its a who know who world where you are just a pawn in the game; if you have no connections.But still every other day, the same pawn goes to the famous K.N.T and the Alliance Francaise to look up audition not giving up. Other very talented thespians have opted to go 'solo' due to unending frustrations and disappointments, whom of which by the way would have propelled this crawling industry to unimaginable heights like a decade ago. This is proof that in ART, it takes HEART!

  Just the other day, I was flipping through the channels looking for something eye catching to watch. And it was no surprise i kept going in circles because there was nothing worth spending my time watching.Our local productions have deteriorated a huge deal in the last decade. Looking back at programs like 'Tausi', 'Kisulisuli', 'Changes', 'Changing times', 'Penzi Hatari' and other masterpiece locals that used to be aired are what made television a whole lot more interesting. Now flash forward to this day and age what do we see on our television sets, soap operas, Naija movies and a bunch of sitcoms.The only interesting thing these days is the 'NEWS BULLETIN!!' Television is a nightmare save for a few productions here and there that keep us from completely discarding our t.v sets. Shows such as 'Churchil live' and reality shows like 'Naswa', 'TPF', 'Big Brother' 'Sakata' are what is left in creative show-business. And the annoying thing is stations copy each others program line ups.You say am lying? Well try flipping channels during the morning hours, i will confidently bet all my money that it is either a lame; Naija movie, a lame Soap opera or some music mix that is put on repeat airing. but it is because of all this we stay keep saying like it is hoping someone, anyone will see the sense in this and be a part of the solution. It is for this cause that we give all our HEARTS to be in ART!!

SMART PHONES....STUPID PEOPLE!

Its all about social media ......does everything have to revolve around social media. In street lingo, that's what we refer to as 'kukosa form'. What happened to the good old days when everything was more practical than sci-fi??? Sometimes, I envy my folks and how easy it was to maneuver with regards to relationships and 'kukatiana'. Instead of buying bundles to log in to #IG,Whats app, Facebook or twitter, all you had to do was go down to the stream and wait for that particular girl you have been eying to make her way to the stream. All you were required to do is 'kukula vector' till she showed up...now back to the fact this is the so called 'digital generation' and if you do have a presence in social media you are probably the extinct lot.

 It is so bad such that our folks are now turning to their kids t help them enlist in the various social media platforms in order to blend in or be the cool parents!! Really, is it just me or does the idea of tagging your father in a photo on Facebook of you having a good time with your pals just sound weird!! Okay, call me old school and all but truth be told... the very idea of chatting with your old man on whats app is just bizarre and is not bridging any gap for that matter! 

Surely i wish that phones and other digital era gadgets hadn't been invented. Why? The social platforms created by these so called gadgets are either being misused or abused by the subscribers themselves. Whats' more is that even the showbiz industries (Music/Film/Television) are making these gadgets seem so cool and keep reminding us how 'not cool' we will be without them! The popularity is driven by the fact that users become addicted to their gadgets after some time. And who thought that phones, i pads and stuff like that could become addictive?? Ask me....call me Mr. 'Been there, Done that'. From underage kids, to campus students and the latest entry ..wait for it....Parents!!! 'Hatuezi ishi ivi'.

Not so long ago, my folks used to think that social media was only used by socialites, and was therefore deemed a 'no go zone' for us. But now...behold the 'Battle of The Titans' between us and our folks of who has the most likes on I.G or Facebook!! During all this, we seem to be forgetting one very important aspect of how social media has affected our relationships with family and friends. Our social lives have gone to the ruins! Think  am lying? I dare you if you know someone with a huge following on social media to go out and ask out a random girl....face to face!!!

 I REST MY CASE!